Why I have trouble attending church

Since retiring from the pastoral ministry I have not attended church regularly. We lived for a few years in Collettsville, NC, which was up in the sticks and the only churches close by were little country churches. I spoke at one of them several times but I did not join that congregation. Not because the people weren't gracious and loving and friendly and inviting us to come, no, it was because of the flavor. I have become quite picky in my choice of worship experience, now that I have a choice where I worship. I guess at times I forget that worship is not about what I get out of it, but what I give. So it makes sense that if I attend church that I don't really want to join and preach there, I am giving. That is why I go to certain churches, I'm invited to speak; Pretty selfish reason. I have found that now, that I am not in full time ministry, where my time was not my own, I am a very selfish person. Today Malia and I are in Portland, OR. We have been in the Northwest for six months and next week we will start heading back east. Our son and his family are in California for a week so we are babysitting their dog and their home while they are gone. In Yakima where we stayed for most of that time, there is a church we attend that is of the flavor we find so pleasing. Yes, I did get to speak there also, but we attend even when I do not speak. When Friday came around I decided to look online to see what churches within an hour’s drive were available. Actually more like a half hour drive. Because of the traffic here it takes time to get anywhere. I saw three or four churches online and of course this coming weekend is Easter weekend. I was hoping for a worship experience that would at least bring up the celebration of Christ resurrecting from the dead and living for us today. I was disappointed. It didn't appear that there would be any church that I could find celebrating the resurrection. Now to be honest they didn't all say what their worship service was going to be, but the few which did say told me that it was something other than the resurrection. That is common in the Adventist Church. It goes back over hundred years ago. It seems very few Adventist churches talk about Easter and the resurrection in the same way as other Christian churches do. When you look back at one of our early founders in the 1850s and 60s, one who was a female, said nothing positive about Easter. To be accurate most of the Easter trappings like the bunnies, the eggs, and even the name itself really do come from paganism. But today I just wanted to hear a rip-roaring sermon on the resurrection of Christ. And it looked like that wasn't possible in my mother domination at this place and at this time. If we were in Collegedale, TN this weekend, the church there has a SONrise service that is magnificent to experience. But on Facebook I can watch the triumphant ending to this play. With tears streaming down my face I witness ‘Jesus’ coming out of the tomb and hugging everyone, including the angels! So Malia and I and some friends are going to a garden, the Japanese Gardens where we can see flowers opening in spring time and think about Jesus coming out of the tomb with light, color and all the brightness of the sunrise itself! Jesus is risen, He is alive!