Personal...

How do I explain the state of my life now? At the end of 2011 everything was as it had been for 30+ years. I was enjoying the exciting task as the pastor of a local church. As most pastors I looked ahead months in advance and made plans for the future. This was done bathed in study and prayer. But as January 2012 rolled around I knew something was just not right. Because I have been dealing with back and neck pain in various forms for the last 18 years, had 5 surgeries on my spine and was taking very heavy medications to help, I knew it could not go on. Some of the surgeries helped, others did not. This disabling pain was affecting my ability to succeed in ministry. I took a look at myself and realized that I was not putting in a full day's work. I was not being honest with my calling. I would spend time resting, reflecting, avoiding, because of my personal battles. I was tired; I didn't have the energy to fight the battles pastors need to fight. So I fell upon the mercy of the Lord and the Carolina Conference and was placed on paid family leave for 3 months. This leave became a disability leave with insurance taking over in financial help. Now, some eight months later I really don't think I will be returning to pastoral ministry. I have had three more surgeries since going on leave and am not significantly better, yet. I have come to grips with the fact that my pastoral ministry is concluded and for all practical purposes I am taking an early retirement. When I started my schooling at Southern in 1977, I was as a brand plucked from the fire. My life was going nowhere fast. I was lost in every sense of the word. I needed rescuing quick! And God rescued me! He provided parents to support me, a fine institution to teach me discipline as well as how to know the Lord and a beautiful Christian wife to labor with me. Some 30 years later I can look back and say that I have no regrets. It has been a wild, adventurous, satisfying and exciting ride. I have had experiences that most people know nothing of. I have seen God work in ways that no one could even imagine. God took this wayward, rebellious, hippie, beach bum surfer and turned him into a Minister of the Gospel. Every day God was leading, helping, empowering, and blessing! For without God's help I would not have lasted a day. He has been there and is still there, even now in this new life chapter. I have seen the good, the bad and the ugly in God's people and tremble as I think of the future of our church. We are cascading through the 21st century trying to grapple with issues that are bigger than mankind. I love the Seventh-day Adventist church for which I have labored in Christ all these years. Nothing has changed in my heart. I now will allow younger and healthier men and women to lead the people in following Christ. It is only as we seek God's guidance that we can find the strength and the courage to move on. Jesus is the most important name in the world and we need to trust in his presence and His Word. I continue to do that and look forward to what God can do in my life even now.