My personal cage

It has been 5 weeks since the neck surgery to fuse the remaining vertebrae in my neck into bone. There are only 2 small bones left that are not fused together. It has been 5 weeks I have carried around this personal cage called a "Miami J Collar". It keeps my head in a fixed position like when you need to stretch to see over a wall. There is little side to side movement allowed and no looking down at your shoes. This is to keep the neck relatively fixed so the bones can grow together. I worry what it will be like when the collar comes off and my mobility is greatly reduced. Such is the result of bad genes when it comes to spine health. This is the 6th surgery on my spine. Three on the lower back ending in a fusion and now three on the neck with a fusion. Fusion seems to be the going solution to my spine troubles. Along with the surgery, I am now officially on disability through special insurance the North American Division has for pastors who need it. It lasts for 2 years, then ends. I am also to apply for Social Security disability within the first year. I think that is so the government will begin paying the my salary rather then the insurance company. This salary works out to exactly 58% of what I was receiving previously as a full time pastor. Since my health deteriorated, just spinal issues, I am not able to work full time as a pastor or anything else right not. I have lived with these issues, including pain and strong drugs for the last 19 years, I also have depression and simply no energy. I don't blame God for this, it is not his fault I was born with these propensities and as a young person I was so reckless and extreme with activity. Injuries which came were only partly felt then and are now fully experienced with a debilitating condition. Yet God is an ever present friend through this and I am confident will lead me out of this valley to another place of ministry more suited to my physical condition. Malia is not too excited about this current state of affairs. This was not planned. We are suppose to both be working until retirement, then enjoy those years together while traveling and enjoying our kids and grand-kids. She is impressed that I am able to find financial savings in our monthly bills so my reduced salary does not impact us too much. But I have assured her that I will still "take care of her" as I always have and we will have our retirement as planned, just a little sooner and adjusted financially. For now I am resigned to hold my head high (as if I could hold it any other way) and be the best I can at being disabled, following where Jesus leads and accepting what I must to still live in the joy of his presence.